Fire!

There were two boats, two women and a cabin boy (a useful person for going up lock ladders) heading towards Titchmarsh;  a pleasant little journey upstream.  We had intended to set off early because the weather forecast said high winds from mid-morning onwards but the weather had changed its mind so there was no hurry. There was only a light northerly wind which made it cold when the sun went in.

H’s boat led the way.  I could see a light grey cloud issuing from her exhaust which seemed to be increasing in strength as we moved on upriver. The first set of rowers that were coming downriver rowed through the fumes and came passed me clearing their throats, the second batch were coughing ferociously and the third were lying dead in the bottom of the boat completely asphyxiated.

I could see H and the cabin boy leaning over and looking concernedly at the increasing flow of fumes.  Then I saw that the prop had stopped churning water and the cabin boy was making a leap for the bank holding the bow rope. Then I saw a spout of flame come out of the exhaust.  How do you tell somebody that their boat and therefore their home and all their wordly possessions are on fire in a manner calm enough to defer panic?  You don’t.  You scream You’re on fire! The boat owner panics, runs and gets the fire extinguisher and squirts it towards the fire and the fire goes out.  I found it quite reassuring to have evidence that fire extinguishers work.

By this time their boat was drifting across the river, the bow is in reeds and the cabin boy is stranded on the bank. H phones the Mechanical Magician and he says he’ll meet us at Lilford Lock. So I retrieve the cabin boy from the bank and between us we manage to strap the boats together.  By this time the breeze has taken both boats onto the far bank and we’re stuck in the reeds there. H raises her hands and quotes from our Mary Poppins song ‘to enjoy this boating lark you must be some sort of crank’ so we do a quick blast of our routine….. Superboatingonthenenebutstrongstreamisatrocious…..

She dances along the boat roof I shuffle about a bit on the stern, the cabin boy raises his eyebrows in exasperation. 

We then get down to the business of getting two boats off the bank, a bit of judicious work with boat poles a lot of reverse revs and we’re away.  My boats not moving quickly or steering well and I can’t make out if it’s because of the appendage attached to my side or if I picked up a lot of weed on my prop. (It was a bit of both).  As we crawled towards Lilford Lock we could see the Mechanical Magician, the Haulage Contractor and their mate on the bridge.  We intended to pull onto the lock mooring but the men had decided we should go into the lock.  Two indecisive women aren’t a match for three determined men so we went into the lock. They told us to start the engine of the ailing boat. I wasn’t going to be in a lock with a boat that only a short time before was spouting flames.  I said so in no uncertain terms, H agreed.  Three determined men aren’t a match for two strident women so I was allowed out of the lock to spend time clearing my weed hatch whilst the other engine was started.  They were right, of course, there wasn’t a problem the fire had been the result of gunk in the exhaust and once that had cleared everything was hunky dory.

So we continued on our way and here we are moored up and all set to enjoy the boaters rally. And the good news is I’m close to the beer tent and it's open.