Boats and tents

The Mechanical Magician asked if I’d like to help return a boat that he’d just spent time blacking and repairing.  All the usual cabin boys had places to go and people to see and weren’t available so he was scraping the bottom of the barrel for crew and when he found that even the barrel was empty he asked me. Then Mrs Mechanical Magician volunteered to go along so I wasn’t really needed but I decided to go anyway.

I had to go to Oundle Farmers Market first to stock up with plenty of food for the journey we didn't want to risk starvation after all we might be on the river for almost three hours.  Then we set off, 40 seconds and ten yards into our journey we grounded firmly on a mud bank.  Good job I brought the food along at one point it looked as if we might be there for a long time.

Afloat once more we shared the first lock with a day boat.  It was their first time out on a boat and the first lock they had encountered.  There were three young men who bounced about enthusiastically, opening gates, throwing windlasses, hauling the boat into the lock and asking directions to the nearest pub.  There was one young woman, heavily made up and dressed to kill, sitting impassively in the boat staring straight ahead.

One of the young men tied up the boat wrapping the rope tightly around the bollard.   As the water was released from the lock it was inevitable that the boat would keel over and tip its passenger into the water.  I was interested in the effect the water would have on her make-up.  Would it run? Would her false eyelashes become detached and float away like two black spiders? I hoped her smart blouse wasn’t dry clean only. Then the Mechanical Magician spoilt my fun by telling them it wasn’t a good idea to tie up the boat so tightly, so they loosened it and their expressionless passenger was safe.

At the next lock we had to wait for two narrowboats to come through. On leaving the lock the first boat got it’s knitted fender caught on the gate.  That skewed it’s course and sent it heading straight for our newly painted boat.  The obvious course of action would have been for her to reverse and remove the obstruction but she didn’t she left the boat in gear and walked the gunwale to try and release the hazard.  Released the helmmanless (or helmswomanless) boat  shot forwards and the inevitable thump into our boat was powerful. It left a v-shaped mark on the bow.  One is philosophical about the bumps and bangs of boating but less so when the new paint has hardly dried.  The Mechanical Magician was not impressed that has handiwork was flawed before it even got back to the customer.

After that it was plain sailing we ate our pasties and flapjacks, moaned about the cold wind and lack of sun and took it in turns to steer and wind the wheels in the locks.

After mooring up safely we decided we deserved a drink so we called in the clubhouse on our way back.  The Mechanical Magician was immediately whisked away to do an emergency repair and us two women decided  that the men trying to erect a marquee type thingy for an event next week needed some help. An hour later we weren’t much further on, we had the legs and the cover and the poles but we couldn't get them in the right order.  We didn’t have any instructions. After trying various combinations, most of which had been tried half a dozen times already, we ended up with seven poles when we needed eight and six of them had only female ends and one had two male ends so they didn’t fit together.  It reminded of me of discos I went to in my youth, seven females to one rather oddly equipped male. We looked at the half erected tent, wondered why some of the poles had been cut and why some were marked with red paint but we couldn’t come to any conclusions so we left it laying on the ground and went to the bar.  My motto is ....if at first you don’t succeed pack it in and go and have a few drinks.